Hypocrisy in Bridgerton

TRIGGER WARNING: this post will be discussing the topic of marital rape and consent.

*This post will also contain spoilers*

If you've been on social media within the last week, you know that the new Netflix show Bridgerton gained instant popularity. Overall, the show received a lot of love from its viewers, myself included; but, no series is without faults and criticism...

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Brief overview: "Based on Julia Quinn's best-selling series of novels, Bridgerton is set in the sexy, lavish, and competitive world of Regency London high society. [...] At the heart of the show is the powerful Bridgerton family. Comprised of eight close-knit siblings, this funny, witty, daring, and clever group must navigate the upper ten thousand's marriage mart in search of romance, adventure, and love." - (via https://bridgerton.fandom.com/wiki/Bridgerton_(TV_series))

courtesy of Netflix

Setting the scene: Double standards are depicted throughout the show — it is normal for the guys to go to brothels while the girls do not know what sex is until they get married. For about the first half of the season, a ball takes place where the women mingle with men in the hopes of finding their husbands. Most women, past and present, choose men (or have their future husband chosen for them by their father or the male head of the household) based on status or title. However, despite her eldest brother Anthony's relentless commands to the former, Daphne Bridgerton decides that she wants to marry for love.

courtesy of Netflix

Anthony Bridgerton (pictured in the center) is the head of the Bridgerton household since their father's passing. Since Daphne is the eldest daughter in the family, it is his duty to find her a husband he deems worthy. For that, he chooses the entitled and presumptuous Nigel Berbrooke.

Despite Daphne rejecting Nigel on numerous occasions, he continues to harass her. During the ball in episode one, Daphne goes outside to the garden unchaperoned (which is one of the many "rules" of their society that irked my intersectional feminist soul) and Nigel tries to assault her. The Duke of Hastings, aka Simon Basset, witnesses this incident and hurries to be her knight in shining armor; but, Daphne is a strong woman that can take care of herself :). She punches Nigel in the face and he doesn't dare to bother her again.

courtesy of Netflix

Bridgerton is full of, what I like to call, subtle feminist jabs, and highlights strong women in an era where women were treated as fragile, second-class citizens whose worth was determined by their virginity and the men in their lives. Those jabs and those strong women were a part of what kept me hooked to the show. However, a particular scene in the sixth episode made me question the writers.

TRIGGER WARNING: the following will be discussing the topic of marital rape and consent.

courtesy of Netflix

By the middle of the season, Daphne Bridgerton has married the Duke of Hastings, Simon Basset. Prior to this, Simon informs Daphne that he can't have children, which he knows is something that she longs for. But, she decides to make that sacrifice. During their honeymoon and and one of many sexcapades, Daphne notices that her husband pulls out and ejaculates into a handkerchief. In the midst of her confusion, she confides in one of her housekeepers and asks, in simpler terms, where babies come from.

With her new-found knowledge, she seduces Simon. Since Simon was always on top during their previous sexual encounters, he was able to pull out every time. But this time, Daphne made the decide to position herself on top of him so he couldn't. Once Simon realizes this is is visually uncomfortable, asked her what she is doing, and tries to tell her to stop, but she doesn't.

When they finish, Simon asks, "what did you do?" and "how could you?" Daphne responds that she knows that he can have children but just doesn't want to and lied to her about it.

Daphne goes on to say:

"I trusted you more than anyone in this world and you took advantage..."

Are we seeing the hypocrisies here? No? Well let me help you...

• In the beginning, Daphne punches Nigel because he makes nonconsensual advances toward her and tries to assault her.

• Daphne takes advantage of Simon by taking away his choice to ejaculate inside of her.

In both instances, a nonconsensual act has taken place, but the aftermath of both are completely different.

Let's get one thing out of the way first. Was Simon wrong for lying to Daphne about his capability to have children? Yes. BUT, that does not excuse what she did to him.

One might say, "well, he consented to having sex with her..." Yes he did. HOWEVER, one thing about consent is that it can be taken away at anytime during intercourse.

Another person may also say, "how is it rape? they're married..." Yes they are. HOWEVER, consent is not exclusive to people who are not in a relationship. That comes from the false idea that because one is in a relationship, they are entitled to the other person's body.

What Daphne did to Simon can be viewed as being similar to stealthing — which is the nonconsensual removal of a condom when the other person agreed to condom-protected sex. If the roles were reversed, the scene would have undoubtedly been depicted as rape and the aftermath of that instance would have been given more attention.

The stigma towards male victims and survivors of all forms of sexual assault needs to change. The idea that men are "too strong" to be overpowered by a woman or "weak" if they are assaulted or that they "wanted it" is extremely harmful. These notions are the reason that male survivors do not come forward and suffer in silence. Male survivors should not and cannot be left out of the conversation when it comes to raising awareness for sexual violence.

Maybe the intention of that scene in Bridgerton was to express this exact fact; that during this time period, a lot was normalized and swept under the rug. Doubtful, but I hope so. A show that made a point to highlight strong women and one that stands against sexism and male entitlement should not have portrayed Daphne as being entitled to Simon in that moment.

This isn't something that happened only during that time; these occurrences continues to happen. The less we normalize it and stand against it, only then can we begin to make real change.